


Words Fail

by FanFicAddict7



Series: The Prank [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dear Evan Hanson, Letters, Letters to no one, M/M, Song Lyrics, The Prank, Words Fail, apology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 04:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicAddict7/pseuds/FanFicAddict7
Summary: Sirius realizes he messed up. Big time. At a loss for words, he writes a letter to Remus that he never expects to give to the man who's trust he's betrayed.





	Words Fail

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ohmygodnighttroll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmygodnighttroll/gifts).



> This idea came from watching TT Bret's Wolfstar version of Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen. All song lyrics are from aforementioned song.

_I never meant to make it such a mess_  
_I never thought that it would go this far_  
_So I just stand here sorry_  
_Searching for something to say_  
_Something to say_  
_Words fail, words fail_  
_There's nothing I can say_

Dear ~~Moony~~ Remus,

I suppose I’ve lost the right to call you Moony. I don’t know how we got here. I mean, I do, I messed up. Royally. But how did it get this far? And what does one say in a situation like this? I don’t feel like there are enough words in enough languages to express how sorry I am. Je suis désolé. Lo siento. Es tut mir Leid. Paenitet. I’m sorry.

  
_I guess I thought I could be part of this_  
_I never had this kind of thing before_  
_I never had that perfect girl_  
_Who somehow could see the good part of me_

I made the mistake of thinking I was different from them. I thought I could make myself different. Make myself fit in. I never had a family like this. And I thought maybe if I pretended I did, I’d be better, that you could see I was better.

  
_I never had the dad who stuck it out_  
_No corny jokes or baseball gloves_  
_No mom who just was there_  
_'Cause mom was all that she had to be_

My father didn’t exactly provide an example of how to be a decent man. My mother had other concerns than being an affection mum.

  
_That's not a worthy explanation_  
_I know there is none_  
_Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done_

I’m not saying that excuses anything. Nothing can make what I did okay. I understand that better than I want to.

  
_Words fail, words fail_  
_There's nothing I can say_  
_Except sometimes, you see everything you wanted_  
_And sometimes, you see everything you wish you had_  
_And it's right there, right there, right there_  
_In front of you_  
_And you want to believe it's true_  
_So you... make it true_  
_And you think maybe everybody wants it_  
_And needs it... a little bit... too_

There’s nothing to say about it that I haven’t thought before. You represented everything in life I wish I had. And I wanted all of it, even if I didn’t deserve it. I wish I deserved it. We all wish we deserved this.

  
_This was just a sad invention_  
_It wasn't real, I know_  
_But we were happy_  
_I guess I couldn't let that go_  
_I guess I couldn't give that up_  
_I guess I wanted to believe_  
_'Cause if I just believe_  
_Then I don't have to see what's really there_

I was wrong though. I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t have it. I just pretended I had what I wanted to hide my own shortcomings. But I thought it was working. We were all friends. And you and I? We had something more. But I guess it isn’t true anymore. And to ignore that is to lie to myself.

  
_No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than_  
_These broken parts_  
_Pretend I'm something other than_  
_This mess that I am_  
_'Cause then I don't have to look at it_  
_And no one gets to look at it_  
_No, no one can really see_

But I thought if I ignored it, then maybe I could pretend those thoughts, those feelings weren’t there. I pretended to be a good person, but if I was truly the man I wanted you to think I was, I wouldn’t be writing this letter. But even as I write this letter, I know you’ll only see it too late because no one needs to see what a fuck up I really am.

  
_'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake_  
_Before I even turn the key_  
_Before I make the mistake_  
_Before I lead with the worst of me_  
_I never let them see the worst of me_

I put my mask up, smile before the tears fall, laugh before the anger strikes out, joke before I reveal what’s really in my mind. All the things I can’t share because then you would see how messed up, how damaged I am.

  
_'Cause what if everyone saw?_  
_What if everyone knew?_  
_Would they like what they saw?_  
_Or would they hate it too?_  
_Will I just keep on running away from what's true?_

Who wants to see that? That’s not someone worthy of love, not someone worthy of you, Remus. How could you love my broken pieces? How could I add that to your weighted shoulders?

  
_All I ever do is run_  
_So how do I step in_  
_Step into the sun?_ _  
_ Step into the sun

 

So I hid it, until I lashed out and made a mess of all of this. I know I can fix things, but writing this letter has made me realize I need to fix who I am. I need to learn to be a better man if I’m to ever earn your love again. I hope I can earn your love again. I’m sorry.

 

Hopefully Yours,

Sirius Orion Black


End file.
